We never thought we could get HIV. We were wrong

At first, Rachel Dilly was simply flattered by the attention from the handsome stranger. It had been almost a year since she had separated from her partner of 20 years, with whom she had three children, and, like so many middle-aged and newly single women, she had started to explore the world of online dating. The man who had contacted her seemed interesting and articulate. ‘We just clicked, so I agreed to meet him for dinner,’ recalls Rachel, a charity worker from Harpenden, Hertfordshire. 'All went well at first and romance ensued. 

But after a few months, things ‘fizzled out’. However, for Rachel, the brief affair would have a grave legacy. She began to feel ill, losing her sense of taste and smell and suffering from swollen glands and mouth ulcers. ‘My doctor thought it sounded like malaria but I hadn’t been abroad. When I found an ulcer on my body, I was referred to a GUM [genitourinary medicine] clinic. 

I wasn’t all that worried – more surprised than anything.’ Rachel was screened for all s**xually transmitted infections (STIs), including HIV. ‘I really didn’t think there was any way I could be HIV-positive. To me, it was just another blood test and I wasn’t worried.’

A week later, she returned for her results. The nurse was matter-of-fact. Rachel recalls: ‘She told me I was HIV-positive. It was like running into a brick wall. I don’t remember anything apart from terror. 

‘How could something like this happen to a person like me? Yes, I had unprotected s**x with a partner, but I never considered at my age that condoms were necessary. I had contraceptive injections, and that’s all I’d worried about. I realise now just what a huge mistake that was – I was incredibly naive.’ At first, understandably, Rachel was bereft. 

‘I was terrified about what would happen, and I became depressed and had panic attacks. I was also very ashamed. A health adviser at the clinic talked to me and answered all my questions. ‘I went back to her to talk a few times. I was reading lots of stuff on the internet which terrified me, but she reassured me.’

 Rachel told her children – then teenagers – about her diagnosis immediately. They were devastated. ‘They cried a lot and were convinced I was going to die. Even though I was very down, that made me want to fight, to prove them wrong. ‘A few weeks after diagnosis, I went out for a drive on a sunny day and decided I wasn’t going to let HIV kill me because I couldn’t leave my children without a mother.’

 Now, eight years on, Rachel, 48, has agreed to take part in a groundbreaking exhibition featuring 30 HIV-positive Britons whose photographs appear beside personal statements about living with the virus. The show marks the 30th anniversary of the death of Terrence Higgins, the first man to die of AIDS in the UK.

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